YOU'VE LOST HER
by PHOENIX FURY
Summary: Buffy is gone and the Scoobies go to Angel to get his help in finding her. An unexpected person shows up and tells them they’ve lost her.
1. YOU'VE LOST HER

**YOU'VE LOST HER.**

_**BY PHOENIX FURY**_

**DISCLAIMER:** I SAY THIS ONLY ONCE SO LISTEN UP! I do not own any of the characters, they belong TPTB. I'm merely borrowing them.  
**SUMMERY:** _Buffy is gone and the Scoobies go to Angel to get his help in finding her. An unexpected person shows up and tells them they've lost her._

X-Over - BtVS/HIGHLANDER

METHOS/BUFFY

* * *

In the LA office of Wolfram & Hart former friends were gathered.

"Tell me what happened again." Angel said his hands clenched to control his worry about his beloved. Buffy had disappeared over six months ago and he was only now being told, and it was only because they needed his help to find her.

"We defeated the First, made camp in the desert. I last saw her sitting on the hill overlooking the crater. The next morning she was gone. I've tried using a location spell but it didn't work. What if she got captured? She could be hurt." Willow said.

If they had told him as soon as she had disappeared she might have been found already. They had no clue to go on and if Willow's magic couldn't work to find her, what was he supposed to do?

"She isn't."

Everyone turned to see a small man in a hat standing in the doorway.

"Whistler." Angel said softly surprised to see the demon.

"Angel." He nodded at him as he came in.

"You know what happened to Buffy?" Giles asked.

"She didn't disappear in the morning, you were just too busy to notice what happened to her." Whistler said and clicked his fingers. "Look down."

A circle appeared on the floor.

Then pictures appeared, it was like watching a movie. It was a sunny day; people were walking along a cannel.

The picture focused on two women talking and each carried shopping bags. Angel's eyes focused on the smallest woman. "Buffy."

Despite the golden brown dyed hair it was her. Dressed in a white printed halterneck summer dress and sunglasses in her hair she looked relaxed and happy.

"She doesn't look all that captured to me." Gunn said. A tall slender woman with short platinum hair walked beside her both happily chattering as they walked.

"Where is she?" Xander demanded looking at the demon.

"She left you of her own accord." The demon said instead of answering Xander's question.

"Why?"

He looked at them as if they were stupid. "Three days before the battle with the First you told her you didn't trust her and kicked her out of her own home. And you're asking me why she left?"

Angel looked at the Scoobies in shock. No one had mentioned that. "You did _what_?"

"She was making bad decisions, she nearly got us killed." Willow said defensively.

"You were at war, what did you think was gonna happen?" Whistler snapped. "You were angry of her relationship with Spike which you didn't understand, of Xander losing his eye, of her having the power to protect herself while you did not, so you turned on her. She wouldn't let Giles kill him because she sensed that Spike was needed in the battle not because she was in love with him, and she was right about that. What you never understood that while Spike was in love with her she didn't love him, they were friends. She trusted him to stand beside her in a fight. They got close because he alone supported her when she came back from heaven while you pretended everything was fine and blindly ignored the fact that she was breaking apart. Yes, he took advantage and she let him for a while because she was so desperate to feel, weather it was good or bad she didn't care."

He took a deep breath to calm himself and then looked at Angel to explain.

"They asked her to lead them so she did, they then decided they didn't agree with her decisions and revolted. She was busy risking her life trying to keep them all alive in the War against the First and they thanked her by putting Faith in charge and if Buffy hadn't come along to save them they'd all be dead. Buffy was also the one who got the Slayer weapon the First had been protecting from their hands. This is the weapon that allowed the Potentials to become full Slayers. She is the only reason any of you are still alive."

"Now I'll show you when she left." He waved his hand over the floor. And the image shifted and came with sound.

_Buffy was dressed in the clothes that she had worn to fight the First. She was sitting on the hill looking at the crater. She looked over her shoulder at her friends laughing around the campsite. You could hear music from a radio, laughing and talking. She then stood up and wandered into the desert. _

_Whistler was waiting for her sitting on the roof of a car. _

_"Hello Whistler," Buffy said softly._

_"Hello Slayer."_

_"Why are you here? Why did I feel drawn to come to you?"_

_"I have many things to tell you."_

_Buffy looked down, her shoulders slumped in exhaustion. "This is not going to be good is it?"_

_"It will change you. Has already started to change you. You can feel that."_

_She didn't deny or confirm what he said just looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Good change or bad?"_

_He shrugged, "It's what you make it."_

_"Helpful." She took a deep breath and then sat beside him on the hood of the car. "Tell me."_

_"The spell that witch did has had far reaching consequences. She made the Potentials into Slayers but into not Chosen Ones." _

_"But what about Faith?" Buffy asked._

_"Faith is a Chosen One but yet you are the alpha for a lack of a better word, which has created problems between you and Faith. Kendra was called because technically you died and since you died the next Slayer has to be called and she was destined to be the next one Called. Faith was destined to be Called as a slayer after Kendra died so she became a Slayer too."_

_"This is going to get complicated." Whistler said to himself and then asked her, "Do you know how the Slayer was created?"_

_Buffy blinked at the unexpected questions. "Umm, with the spirit of a demon."_

_"In part yes. The spirit of a demon, the blood of a vampire and some very powerful magic. The spirit of the demon and blood of the vampire give you the senses that track dark forces, and give you the speed and strength to match them. The powerful magic bonded the powers to the First Slayer's soul, __Senaya, this created what we call the Slayer Essence. When Senaya died the Slayer Essence was passed to the next Slayer which gave the new slayer her power, access to her memories when she died it was passed on again. The Slayer Essence holds a bit of each Slayer; their memories, their skills, their power. Understand?"_

_Buffy nodded. _

_Whistler continued, "The Slayer is a predator, a hunter; demons and vampires are it's prey but is also human, it feels compassion, has fears and doubts. Yin and yang. Two side of the same coin. I'm sure you've felt conflicting things due to the Slayer Essence inside you and what your head's telling you. Now Faith while also a Chosen One since she was called, does not want to bow down and follow you lead because as a predator she wants to be in charge yet at the same time her Slayer recognizes you as Alpha, head of the pack. Your both fighting to lead while you don't really want to and Faith wants to let you, this creates confusion, jealously and resentment. That's what has created the mess between you. But Buffy, Faith is making peace with it, when they put her in charge she finally understood what a burden you've had to carry."_

_Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment before a slight smile touched her lips._

_"Now as a Slayer ages the stronger they become, the Watcher realized this and feared it which was why the test when the Slayer turns eighteen was first created so you would never grow too powerful, though after a time the Watchers Council forgot the reason too caught up in their own importance and power. The Watcher's Council forgot why they were created; to serve the Slayer not the other way around, which was why the Higher Powers did not stop their destruction." _

_"Most Slayers are found by the Watchers Council and trained by them from a young age. They are the Watcher's Council puppets, seeing the world in black and white and forgetting the grey areas. Only a handful of Slayers aren't found before they are Called and rarely survive long because they are unprepared to fight." Whistler looked at Buffy with respect. _

_"But you did. You were Chosen Buffy. We didn't let the Watchers Council find you because we knew you were the one, the one meant to be what the Slayer was created to be. With every battle you've won you've proved it. Why do you think your soulmate was Angel? You loved him despite the fact he was vampire, despite the demons past. Because of your love he became a Champion of the Powers." _

_"Angel's really my soulmate?" Buffy asked._

_Whistler nodded. "One of them."_

_"You mean I have another?" Buffy said with wide eyes._

_"You'll find out Buffy, now let me finish explaining." Whistler smiled at her fondly. "You were always destined to be the Chosen One but the timing was never certain. When you died we thought it would happen in your next life but then things got complicated."_

_Buffy didn't say anything at first. "I was brought back different wasn't I? It wasn't just Willow's spell that made me the Chosen One was it?"_

_"No, it's as I said complicated. The Slayer line flowed through the First Slayer, Senaya, but Willow changed it when she did the spell to make all the Potentials into Slayers. The Scythe was made from the Slayer's power as a weapon for the Chosen One which is why every Slayer can feel it, like calls to like. So Willow used that as a focus to activate the Potentials." _

_"You were the first to feel it because you are the strongest Slayer because you are the oldest and as a slayer ages the stronger they become, Faith felt it next and then it activated the Potentials. Because you are the strongest Slayer and the Slayer Essence resides in you, you were also used, though unknowingly, as the focus. The Slayer line now flows through you, Buffy." _

_"All the memories of the Slayers before you, skills, power, knowledge, will become your own. You can already feel it can't you?" Whistler asked though he didn't wait for an answer. "You are the Queen of Slayers. The Guardian of the line, you can give the power to become a Slayer and you can take it away. When a Slayer dies their power, memories and skills will come to you." _

_He looked away sadly. "The powers had big plans for you but it wasn't supposed to happen like this. You were supposed to become the Queen of Slayers, create a new Watchers Council, retire and live peacefully with Angel though still keeping an eye on the Council and one day die peacefully in your sleep. And then carry on guarding the line like Senaya has from up there, like a Higher Power. It wasn't supposed to be like this." He repeated again._

_Buffy looked at him in a mixture of confusion and fear. "What are you talking about Whistler?"_

_"Don't kill the messenger." Whistler said and then hesitated briefly before he continued, "You're Immortal."_

_Buffy blinked. "Pardon."_

_"Immortal. You will cease to age, your healing will be almost instant depending on the severity." _

_Buffy starred at him horrified._

_"Your not alone Buffy. There are several people who have been around for hundreds of years." He tried to reassure her. "They were orphans and in later years children swapped in hospital so no one would suspect that children came from no where, that was how you came to be Buffy Summers. If they die right then they will revive as good as new. That's when they become an Immortal. They stop aging, heal quickly. They will sense other Immortals and have to carry a sword to fight the Game. You'll have to get yourself a sword." _

_"Game?" She repeated tipping her head slightly, a gesture of confusion._

_"The Game is when Immortals take other Immortal's head to get their Quickening. Three rules. One on one. Never on holy ground. They fight for the Prize, though they don't know what that is. Now when one of them is really killed, their killer inherits all that they are or were, all power and knowledge in a blinding lightshow of fire. The power of life. The Quickening." He explained._

Willow interrupted. "I made her Immortal?"

Whistler snorted, "You're not that powerful." He was obviously not impressed by the witch and gestured to the floor. "Now watch."

_"So I can only die, stay dead, if I'm beheaded?"_

_"For a normal Immortal yes, but you are a little more complicated then that because you're the Queen of Slayers. You weren't supposed to be both at the same time." He crossed his arms looking weary, almost sad. "You could have become an Immortal when you died at the Masters hands but Xander gave you CPR before you could become one. When you sacrificed yourself you didn't become an Immortal because the energy sent your soul to heaven and you can't become an Immortal without your soul. It wasn't till the witch brought your soul back to your body that you became Immortal." He paused looking unsure what to say or maybe how to say it. "You remember when the First Slayer said Death was your gift?" He asked not looking at her._

_"Yeah." She said cautiously._

_"The cationic state you went to, what we put you into, was supposed to get you understand but you didn't till you were on that tower."_

_Buffy looked away. "Death was my gift. My death would protect my friends and I was finally being allowed to rest."_

_He nodded. "The witch snapped you out of the state before you could understand that death was your gift for all the good you've done and the long years you've been fighting. The way you died was the only way you wouldn't wake up an Immortal."_

_"Because my soul was in heaven and without a soul you can't become Immortal." She said going over what he'd told her._

_"Yeah." He shifted and looked away. "Look … I don't know how to say this."_

_"What?"_

_He sighed. "You won't see heaven again."_

_Buffy looked at him. _

_"When you're beheaded your soul, powers, memories become apart of the closest Immortal. The way you died was the only way you would have got peace. It's why we gave you the reward as an out card so you won't be stuck doing this for eternity."_

_Buffy closed her eyes fighting tears. _

_"I'm sorry kid."_

_"If it was my gift then why did you let Willow bring me back?" She asked softly tears clearly in her voice._

_"The future is not set in stone. They are many scenarios. Many different paths to take to get to the future. It's like a chess game, you can use the other player's moves to your advantage to try and win the game." He said quietly. "The First Evil helped the witch get the power to bring you back and that upset the balance in the Slayer Line and let it back into the world to try and end the Slayer line." _

_"The Powers couldn't break the rules, since you had been dead and your soul was once again within your body you had to be made Immortal. The First Evil helped Willow go dark hoping that she would destroy the world but Xander reached her humanity within her and stopped her. But the power she generated, the powers she called on and awoke let the First Evil back into the world. The only way to stop the First Evil and save the Slayer line was to activate the Potentials and make you the Queen. There was no other way." He said sadly._

_Buffy nodded and then asked, "Is Dawn Immortal since she's made out of me?" _

_"No. She will live a normal mortal life. The Higher Powers made a deal. The Key would get one chance to open the doorway. And to make sure of that Dawn was made a normal mortal. If she was made completely of you she would be a Slayer but she isn't. Anyway being the Slayer comes from the Essence of the Slayer being bound with your soul Dawn is made from you blood."_

_Buffy nodded and looked thoughtfully over the desert then after a while said, "You said that Immortals healed quickly I didn't heal any quicker then before I died. I know because I got seriously beaten up."_

_"The First knew what you had become, it couldn't do anything about you coming back from the dead because it needed you to upset the balance and none of its warriors were good enough to behead you but it could and did use magic to slow your healing hoping it would slow you down. That spell is gone now by the way." _

_She looked into the distance. "Ok let me get this straight. I'm the Chosen One, while the others are merely Slayers. I'm, what did you call me, Queen of the Slayers?"_

_He nodded._

_"I'm also Immortal and unless beheaded am going to live for a very long time. If I find another Immortal they'll challenge me for my head. If my head is taken I'm dead, permanently, but they will get my soul."_

_Whistler looked uncomfortable._

_"Whistler." _

_"That's the case for other Immortals but as I said you are a little different."_

_"How different?" Buffy asked._

_"Because you're the Queen of the Slayers and the Slayer Line runs through you, you have to live because if you don't no more Slayers so the Powers made it so that you will."_

_"Will what?" _

_"Always live."_

_Buffy starred at him._

_"If you are somehow beheaded you will be reborn. As Immortal and as Queen of the Slayers. You can't escape it. There's no out card." _

_"Oh."_

_There was silence for a few minutes as Buffy processed this._

_"So what now?"_

_"You are the Queen of the Slayers. The Chosen One. You will be the one who is judge, jury and executioner when it comes to who is or isn't a Slayer. The memories will start coming in dreams and flashes. The memories and knowledge will change you, some of your likes and dislikes will change, personality traits. You will need time to adjust to the change, to accept it. But most importantly you need to be trained and get yourself a sword. My chariot awaits to take you to your teacher." He patted the hood of his car._

_"Trained? Teacher?" Buffy repeated._

_"You can handle a sword but an Immortal with centuries of knowledge could make you better and since the sword will be what keeps you alive that's helpful. Immortals take on new Immortals as students. They help the new ones adjust, teach you the tricks, you become like a family especially the one I'm sending you to." He explained._

_"What about my friends? I thought you said I had to create a new Watchers Council and watch over the new Slayers."_

_"Your destiny changed. You can watch over the Slayers from a distance without anyone trying to influence you. Your friends are to make the New Watchers Council and look after the new Slayers." He looked at her seriously and then asked, "Are they still your friends after everything? Family isn't just blood. Real family, friends accept you as you are, the good, the bad and the ugly. Unconational love. They trust you, they support you." He paused before he said, "Do they?"_

_Buffy was silent. _

_"This is your chance kid for a fresh start. The new Slayers have to earn it on their own. Faith needs to come out from your shadow. And your friends need to learn to stand on their own feet instead of making you save the day. You need this. You need to learn to live for you." _

_Buffy looked at him and then in the direction of her friends. She looked at them for a long moment and then back at him looking like a huge weight had been lifted of her shoulders and gave him a small smile._

_"Let's go."_

_He nodded and they climbed into the car and drove away._

The image faded.

"How could she leave us?" Willow asked.

"She has a responsibility as the Slayer." Giles said.

"We have the other Slayers, who needs her? She'll come crawling back." Xander muttered.

Whistler snorted. They obviously hadn't been listening. "After the way you treat her I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did. But she was stubborn she refused to give up on you. She was a true friend to you."

Whistler looked to Giles. "You are her Watcher, we thought when you had told her about the trail on her eighteen birthday that you had finally become who Watchers were meant to be. We were wrong. She looked at you as a father. And you left her when she needed you most. You betrayed her, didn't trust her."

He went to Willow. "You the great powerful witch, the best friend, you have cost her the most. You cost her chance at peace, the only chance she would have. We gave you the power to return Angel to her but he lied to her and that messed up that night," He gestured to Xander. "We trusted you with power thinking of the good you could do. And you abused it more then once, using it for personal gain and even for evil. The only thing you did right was the spell to bring forth the Slayers for that made her the Chosen One."

He went to Xander. "If you had told her the truth that night so many things would have been different. But you are still jealous that she would choose a Vampire over you. That she would die for him so he would live. That you were merely her friend and never anything more. And when you finally got over that crush you still thought you had the right to dictate who she loved, how she lived. You all did."

He looked at all the Scoobies. "But who are you to judge who she loved? Who do you think you are to tell her how she live? She lived for you, she saved you, she fought for you. She died for you."

"She never once told you who to date or didn't trust you. She was there when you broke your hearts, were you there for hers? You can walk away she can't. It's always been her fight; she's the one who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders for years. She alone carries the burden and instead of making it easier to bear you damn near made it unbearable."

Whistler turned to Angel.

"You were sent to Buffy for a reason Angel. To be her champion. Her friend. Her lover. She's your soulmate Angel. Why do you think you share dreams, that you can feel each other? Why do you think Angelus was so obsessed with her? No other woman will ever compare, all others will pale in comparison. She alone could give you true happiness. She alone could help you find your redemption and give you peace." He said.

"You had three chances to realize she was your soulmate, to claim her. When she gave her life for yours when you got poisoned, even the beast inside you recognized her as yours which why when all other bites faded yours did not. Then the day that was reversed. And then after you two met up after she'd been dead. And each time you let her slip through your fingers. Now you've lost her." He said almost sadly.

"Buffy unlike you has more then one soul mate. You've had your chance and you blew it." He shook his head and waved his hand over the floor. The image came back to her walking beside the tall blonde.

They watched in silence as the two women went into a restaurant, heading to a table overlooking the canal where four men waited.

Buffy kissed an old man on the cheek, ruffled the young man's hair and squeezed the shoulder of a muscled dark haired man before she sat down next to man with short dark hair. He wrapped his hand around her neck and brought her close where he took her mouth. When he pulled away he nuzzled her nose making her giggle. The blonde sat next to her with the other dark haired man beside her.

They ordered their food and though they couldn't hear what was being said they saw Buffy's smile. They couldn't remember seeing her smile like that in years. The man beside Buffy was constantly touching her, he held her hand fiddling with her fingers or rested a hand on her shoulder and stroked her skin.

The food came, and they talked as they ate. They looked like a family out for dinner, who enjoyed spending time together.

"She's happy. She has a new family, real friends. They accept her as she is. The good, the bad, the ugly. Trust her with their lives. They will not walk away from her. Apart from the old man they are all Immortals. She will never be alone again."

"She is the Queen of Slayers, the Chosen One and an Immortal. She's accepted who she is. Her version of happy ever after was someone to love, who loved her and wouldn't leave. And she will get that." He pointed to the image, "That man beside her will make sure of that, he won't let her slip through his fingers. He loves her, all of her. In six months he will ask her to marry him and she will say yes. The older man will walk down the aisle. And she will finally get the happy ever after."

He clicked his fingers and the images disappeared.

He looked at them seriously, almost pityingly. "You could have had her in your life. You could have given her this. But now you've lost her." Whistler said and then he walked out the door.

THE END.

* * *

_I'm a big fan of the BtVS/Highlander X-Overs, Methos/Buffy all the way! Buffy and Angel are cool too. I don't know what they were thinking when they got Buffy and Spike together. (EWWW!)_

_HOPE YOU LIKE. PLEASE REVIEW._

**PHOENIX FURY.**


	2. LOST HER

**LOST HER.**

**_BY PHOENIX FURY_**

**DISCLAIMER:** I SAY THIS ONLY ONCE SO LISTEN UP! I do not own any of the characters, they belong TPTB. I'm merely borrowing them.  
**SUMMERY: **An_gel finds Buffy and realizes he really has lost her._

* * *

After Whistler had left and the Scoobies, Angel had used all of recourses he could to find Buffy. Wolfram and Hart resources properly would have found her quicker but he couldn't use them in case they used it against her or him. He couldn't put her in danger.

He had a few clues to go on.

She had been walking along a canal, one he had recognized. It was in Paris.

The restaurant logo and reservation for a party of six.

Then he secretly sent a private investigator to find her. Angel only wanted him trying to find her during the day since he might run across her night work.

After four months the P.I found her.

He sent him some video footage to prove he had the right girl.

Angel looked at the footage of Buffy walking along the street. Despite the new hair colour which was even darker now, he knew it was her.

The way she walked, carried herself. Her facial expression. That little half smile she did when she was relaxed and happy.

Her hair was now the colour of dark chocolate, pulled back from her face and flowed down her back. She wore a jeans and a dark grey knee-length cardigan thrown over a blue top. She had a bag hanging of one shoulder and a cup of coffee in her hand as she talked on the phone.

The PI found out where she lived, where she attended college and where she worked.

She lived in a three story town house with her partner. His name was Adam Pierson.

At the college she studied English Language, Psychology, Art & Design, Computers and History. His Buffy was in a French speaking class despite the fact in school she had struggled with French. And learning about History when she used to have no patience for it in the past and something as complex as Psychology…

The PI said she worked as a waitress at a blues bar.

There were pictures of her from a distance away since Angel had warned him that Buffy was hard to watch.

There was a picture of her sitting on the grass outside her college with the young man he'd seen her in Whistler's vision. They were obviously having lunch and doing some work at the same time. She had thrown a wrapper at the kid, another of her with her head thrown back as she laughed, the kid looking proud to have made her laugh.

There were a few of her having coffee and shopping with the blonde woman he had seen her with.

Then there was another of her eating ice cream while holding the hand of the man who had kissed her. One from outside their house and she was kissing him goodbye as she went to catch the bus to college the notes said. Then there was one of her jogging with him beside her around the park. Him grabbing her around the waist and twirling her around, both laughing.

It was the one of seeing her with boyfriend that caused him to want to throw things, smash things into small tiny little pieces.

She used to smile like that at him; he remembered seeing those happy expressions on her face, that peace in her.

Until he broke her heart.

He was beginning to realize what he had walked away from. No, he knew what he walked away from it just never occurred to him he wouldn't one day get it back.

Despite the fact he knew where she was. Despite the fact that Whistler's vision had shown him she was happy he needed to see it himself. He had to know.

He had to know if he had lost her.

Angel used a plane and went to Paris, a car with necro-glass windows, so he could drive in sunlight, was waiting for him.

Despite the late hour he pulled up on the street of where she lived. He knew she would have finished patrol and most likely be in bed by now. But he wanted to get the layout of the area of where she lived.

He walked along the other side of the street till he was opposite her home and looked through the window into her sitting room.

The curtains were open and the lights were on but she was asleep on the sofa, dressed in her pjs, a blanket pulled up to her waist, a textbook open and highlighter in her limp hand.

A late night cram session, he remembered doing those. He would test her on facts for history or science as she stretched her muscles, doing press ups and sit ups to come down from the adrenaline high of Slaying.

A taxi pulled up and he saw her boyfriend, Adam Pierson, get out. He had obviously been away, since he had a suitcase in one hand, a rucksack on his back and a laptop bag on his shoulder. Angel pulled back and went deeper into the shadows to avoid being seen.

He realized Buffy had been waiting up for Adam. She used to do the same for him, staying up to see him even if it was only for a few minutes.

Adam let himself into the house. Angel saw him enter the lounge a minute later minus his coat and the suitcase but still carrying the rucksack and laptop bag.

Buffy stirred and stretched out her arms, Angel could see the sleepy smile on her face. Adam lent over to kiss her, they talked for about a minute and then he went into the back of the house with his bags.

Buffy was asleep again when he came back to her minutes later.

Adam put a bookmark in her text book and then put her stuff on the coffee table and crouched down beside her. He smoothed back her hair, a hand tracing her features before he pulled the blanket off her and gathered her up in his arms.

Angel could see that he held her protectively, as if she was precious, that he would lay down his life to protect her. He knew because he had held her like that.

Adam bent down to kiss her head as it lay against his shoulder before he carried her upstairs.

He came back down to turn out the lights and close the curtains and Angel could see no more.

Angel didn't know how long he stood there remembering being the one to gather her up into his arms and hold her through the night. Be the one she woke up to. See that first smile, the messy bed hair.

Be hers.

Angel burned with envy. The demon within him howled with jealousy, saying Buffy belonged to him. All his instincts demanded he take back his mate, that she was his.

Angel turned and walked back to this car.

Angel knew he should have gone but he wanted to see her up close. See her move. Talk, smile, laugh.

Hear her.

Feel her.

He knew he was running the risk of her sensing his presence.

But he couldn't make himself leave yet. Or maybe he wanted to talk to her. To have her tell him he had lost her. That she was no longer his girl.

So the next night he followed her.

She had just finished her shift at the blues bar. Her boyfriend had driven home after kissing her goodbye and telling her to be careful.

Angel could see the boyfriend wanted to go with her but knew this was her show.

He felt her pass him.

He inhaled smelling her scent. It hadn't changed. It was still vanilla but there something else… cinnamon… her lovers scent, he realized.

She was dressed in jeans, black leather knee-high boots pulled over the top and grey top with an open long black coat which was cut into eight panel around the legs for easy movement. Her hair was loose over her shoulders.

But what caught his attention was the necklace around her neck. It was the cross he gave her all those years ago.

She still wore his cross.

He watched her from the shadows as she waited for a new vampire to rise.

He felt the air leave his lungs as he watched, God she was beautiful in the moonlight. She was a rain shower of kicks and punches, her technique had changed since he had last seen her really fight, since he had fought by her side. She was faster and stronger then he had ever seen, agile and as graceful as a cat, bending and twisting her body in ways that made his ice cold blood heat.

She was the very definition of a hunter, a predator.

She knocked the vamp off his feet and then she staked him. She stood up putting the stake in her boot and dusting her hands smiling with satisfaction.

She made a quick patrol around the city before making her way home.

She turned the corner and he followed her and found her standing there with her arms folded across her chest.

Busted. He thought as she raised an eyebrow at him waiting for him to talk. To explain.

Angel scratched his head. "Would you buy it if I said I was in the area?"

She shook her head.

"I didn't think so."

She looked at him, it was as if she could see into his very soul. "How did you find me?"

"Your friends came to me for help, they wanted to find you. Whistler showed up and showed us how you left, who you are now. Then he showed us a brief glimpse of where you were. I recognized the canal you were walking along and after everyone left I set a P.I to find you. He watched you from a distance and only during the day so you wouldn't spot him or find out you were the Slayer. After four months he found you. After I knew it was you I paid him and took him off the case. I just wanted to know you were ok." He looked down at the ground.

He was waiting for her to explode. To shout at him. Maybe punch him.

"What do you mean showed you how I left and who I am now?" She asked sounding a little pissed. He could understand her wanting to keep who she was and what she had become a secret especially from the Scoobies. An Immortal Slayer would be a weapon to use against the forces of darkness.

"It was like watching a movie. We saw you meet with him, him explain that you're the Chosen One, The Queen of Slayers. That you're Immortal."

"What else did he tell you?" She asked softly.

"That you were my soulmate." He didn't know why he said it. Maybe he wanted her to remember them.

"He didn't leave anything out huh?" She said and ran her hands through her hair. She sighed and gestured to the park. "Come on."

They sat on a bench in front of a water fountain. He felt the tension he had carried since leaving Sunnydale all those years ago ease and he actually felt … relaxed. He had almost forgotten what that felt like. She alone could make him relax just by being beside him.

When Willow had come to help them when he had lost his soul again, voluntarily… sort of, she had noticed that he had a spell on him. She had undone it before she left and he noticed all the feelings he'd been having for Cordelia had disappeared.

Angel saw Cordelia as a friend, loved her as a sarcastic annoying little sister who drove him bonkers. He knew that was the same way Buffy had always seen Xander.

There was only one woman who had his heart and always would and he was sitting right next to her. Whistler was right, she alone could bring him perfect happiness, could give him peace.

"I didn't tell your friends where you are or that I even still looking. I know they're still looking though, Willow's using magic to try and locate you." He warned her.

She smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you. They can't locate me with magic, at least not easily." She held up her right hand, on her middle finger was a moonstone ring. "It's spelled so that as long as I wear it I can't be located with magic. It seems that becoming Queen of the Slayer made me a little more magical then before."

"You were always magical." He smiled as she blushed.

She elbowed him before turning serious. "I'm not exactly enthusiastic about learning magic. I've seen what it did to Willow but I can't ignore it either. From the Slayer's memories I have a fair bit of knowledge about different types of magic. I have the power but I lack actual personal experience."

"You're also Immortal, you have years to learn." He said having faith she could handle it. Maybe because she didn't want it and was weary of abusing it made her the right person to wield it.

She nodded.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Angel asked. He had seen it play out but he wanted to know what had let up to her walking away, what had happened. How the closest group he knew had drifted so far away from each other that she had walked away without even a goodbye.

The Scoobies had been closer then his gang, at least he had thought so.

"When we had been setting up camp Giles and Willow were already discussing a plan of what I would do like I wasn't even there. The only one who didn't ask anything of me that night was Faith. She suggested I go sit by the crater, she understood I needed some space." She seemed to smile at the irony of it. That the one who was on the outside of the group could read her better then her friends.

Angel felt a glad that the two had worked things out between them. Now that he thought about it Faith had been missing from the group when the Scoobies had shown up in LA.

"I sat at the edge of the crater and I remembered all the good and all the bad. I remembered who we used to be and who we had become. I saw all the things I let them decide for me, the life I had lived for them."

"I was so tired Angel. So very tired of living for them. Of living at all if you want the truth. I am the oldest Slayer on record. I felt like I'd lived too long, as if I was butter spread over too much bread. Then to be told there was more they wanted…" She trailed off.

"We haven't been friends in so long. They don't trust me. They stopped trusting me long before the war with The First. Xander stopped trusting me because of you, he didn't understand why I couldn't kill Angelus, why I loved you. Giles when I kept your return a secret. I don't know when Willow stopped trusting me. Dawn… I don't know. She knew if she was in trouble I'd come to the rescue, if she made a mess I'd clean it up. But I don't know if she ever trusted me. When mum died she expected me to still be her sister but I had to be the grown up, I had to become the parent. And I think she resented it." She sighed sadly. "Spike was the only one who trusted me, supported me. He was my only friend. He loved me and I loved him but not in the way he wanted and he knew that but unlike Riley he was ok with that. He was happy with what I could give even thought it was very little if anything. He didn't care, he just wanted to be with me in any way I allowed." She smiled fondly.

"I used him so badly when I came back from heaven. My friends wanted me to be grateful that they'd rescued me. It was like they thought I should be thanking them every time I saw them. Then when they found out the truth they just pretended it didn't happen, that everything was ok. But it wasn't.

I was numb. I didn't care or feel anything. So I used Spike to feel something, anything. Good, bad, made no difference to me. When I finally realized what I was doing I stopped it. He tried to 'keep me' I guess is a way of putting it."

He sensed she wasn't telling him something. "What do you mean?"

Buffy paused and finally said, "He tried to rape me."

"What?" He said carefully as his hands clenched. She surly couldn't have said what he thought.

She laid a hand over a fist trying to calm him. He felt his tension leave him at her touch. "He didn't, that was when he left. Tara died, Willow tried to destroy the world and I nearly died again but again she saved me. Not that it would have made a difference I was already Immortal by that point apparently." She shrugged. "Spike went through the trails to get his soul, because of me."

Angel had wondered how Spike had got his soul.

Buffy pulled her hand away and used it to tuck a strand behind her ear. He ached to snatch back her small hand.

"He helped me Angel, even before I died. He protected mum and Dawn. Glory tortured him to find out about the Key and he didn't say a word. I'm not saying he's a saint but he was a champion in the end or that amulet wouldn't have worked and none of us would be here."

She paused, gathering her thoughts before speaking again. "After you I couldn't let someone into my life again. I was terrified. I can go against vampires, Demons and save the world. But when it comes to my heart ... I learned from what happened between us that if you let someone in you give them the power to hurt you. I couldn't do that again." She looked at him briefly and he could see all the pain he had put there.

She looked away. "But I let my friends talk me into dating Riley. He was a nice, normal guy, blonde, human, nothing like you. He didn't make me go all gooey or make my knees weak but I'd had that with you and look where we ended up. I convinced myself I was happy, that I was over you, that we were finally over. Hell I lied and told you I didn't love you and that I loved him." She blushed as she realized what she'd admitted.

Angel felt himself grow warm. Solider boy had never gotten her heart, hadn't made her feel anything.

"When I visited you I was so angry at Faith. It wasn't just because she had slept with Riley using my body. Or that my friends or even my own mother hadn't noticed it wasn't me. That hurt yeah, but it was because she had gone after you again and it made me want to rush over and protect you. I refused to see why, I didn't want to see despite the distance and time you still had me heart and soul. I wanted the pain to stop and I knew if I was over you that the pain would stop so I made myself believe I was. I had to. It was the only way I could cope."

"Riley knew about my world and he had no problem with me being the Slayer. Not at first. But after a while he realized I was holding back emotionally as well as physically. He was completely in love with me and though I cared about him I wasn't in love with him. And he knew it.

Riley wanted me to lean on him, to let him in. And I couldn't. I had to be strong, I didn't want to lean on him. I didn't trust him, though I'm not sure why. I had mum and Dawn to look after and then came Glory."

"He wanted something I couldn't give. I had nothing left to give and I didn't want to. So like all the other men in my life, he left. After a few weeks I was fine. It wasn't till you came to visit I finally realized. No matter how I acted, what I did, no matter the time that had passed or the distance, all that had gone on between us, you still owned me heart and soul. I let what everyone else wanted put me into a relationship with Mr Nice and Normal because I wanted to stop hurting over you."

She then looked at him so sadly that it made him want to gather her in his arms. "When I came back from Heaven and I remembered the day you turned back I went from angry to sad and back. But I couldn't say anything, I couldn't cope with coming back and us so I locked it away. It wasn't like it would have changed anything I reasoned, just bring up the pain of what we couldn't have." She said sadly.

"You didn't ask or expect anything of me, didn't ask me to be strong or to fight. You gave me what I needed; you held me, made me feel safe, showed me that there was something still good in my life." She looked at him and smiled. "I will never be able to thank you for that."

He wanted to say something to talk more about the day that never was. To tell her why he'd done it. That there wasn't a day that went by he didn't remember it. That he didn't dream it.

But she changed the subject. "When I killed you I wanted to die I couldn't handle it so I ran. But I came back. I felt guilty that I survived, I still was able to breathe, that I could carry on fighting, that your death didn't stop me. I had to pretend to everyone else that I was ok which in a way helped. I let them set me up with a boy it reassured them and it made it easier to pretend that I was ok… normal. As long as I could pretend then I didn't have to be real, real hurt. And then you came back and it made everything real again. I knew I was lying to myself, that I still loved you, that I was not over you but that I was still alive despite the pain."

He nodded. He understood since he had gone through similar feelings when she had died. He had felt guilty for being able to still live. In the end Cordelia said that Buffy would have wanted him to carry on fighting, living. That fighting and living was honouring Buffy. And without asking her he knew that was true. Buffy had lived, fought and died for others.

"When Faith shot you I didn't care that I was needed for the Ascension. That you had broken up with me. All I cared about was protecting you. Healing you. I would have gladly died for you." She said softly.

"I remember after the fight I was worried about you. I was hoping that you hadn't gone. Then I saw you through the smoke, you were just twenty feet away. I knew you were leaving, but I loved you and I knew that no matter where you were, weather I would see you again or not, that I always would. And like you said you would you turned and walked away."

"When you broke up with me it felt like I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't understand, I wondered if you broke up because you didn't love me enough to stay. It felt like you had ripped my heart straight out of my chest, ripped it up and stomped on it before you walked away. But it wasn't till I remembered that day that I finally understood. You hadn't left because you didn't love me enough. You left because you loved me too much to stay and not be with me. You gave up the chance to be mortal because you loved me that much." She said tearfully.

"Buffy let me explain why…"

She held up her hand. "No let me. You did it to protect me. You thought I would get myself killed protecting you because you were mortal. Am I right?" She raised an eyebrow her tone telling him what she thought of that idea.

"Yeah."

"Angel in case it escaped your notice I am the Slayer. I am faster, stronger, I can fight anything that comes me way, you should know you trained with me, remember? And guess what, I did die. And now I'm Immortal. No one knows what tomorrow brings. Did you ever think if you hadn't made that choice that maybe things would have been different?"

"Every day." He said truthfully.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "Love makes you do the wacky. For the same reason you gave up your mortality, I didn't tell you about Glory. I knew you would rush to save me, you would have tried to die instead of me or with me and I didn't want that." She said softly.

He had always wondered why she hadn't asked for help and now he understood because he would have done the same thing. They protected each other even at the expense of their lives.

Then she looked at him. "At the beginning of college I ended up being really stupid and letting a guy who wanted as many freshman notches on his bed post as possible talk me into bed because I was trying so hard to be over you. I knew I wasn't serious about him, that I didn't actually care about him at all, but I didn't care. I just wanted the pain to stop, for one second where you wouldn't be front and centre in my mind, that didn't work though. And then came Riley and my friends thought he was perfect and normal and I just went with it."

"And after Riley came Spike. And the timing of Spike was great considering I overheard Willow talking to Giles about Darla pregnant with your son. Thanks you so much for telling me yourself." She said.

He felt ashamed of himself. He knew he should have told her about Darla especially considering he killed Darla to protect Buffy and when she became a Vampire again she could have gone after Buffy.

"How is it you didn't lose your soul when you made your son? I thought the 'happy moment' would have meant Angelus came back." She asked softly.

He looked at her and realized she hadn't fully understood the happiness clause. "Buffy..." He said and then stopped, how did he word this?

"Perfect happiness for me isn't sex and it's not an orgasm. I've been with women since I've had my soul and I mean... Jesus, Buffy, I can give _myself_ an orgasm! It was never about sex," he said, stunned she thought just anyone could make him lose his soul. Then again everyone else thought that too, even him, he hadn't really understood until after he had slept with Darla.

"Buffy...me being with someone never threatened my soul. There's only one person who's ever given me that, and that's you. It was knowing that _you_ loved me. Even after you found out _what _and _who_ I was, you still loved me. Loved me enough to trust me with the greatest gift you could give someone… you. THAT was..." He air quoted, which made Buffy smile, "my _'Perfect Happiness'_, not the sex."

Angel suddenly Angelus' cruel words the morning after went through his head. They'd never talked about Angelus, his lies, what he'd done. Angel realized now that they should have because it had left a lot of wounds behind.

They needed to talk about this, to heal the wounds they had done to each other. She had healed the ones she had caused him by talking about Riley and Spike. Now it was his turn. "I told you, losing my soul has never been about sex…right?" He asked and waited until she gave a tiny nod to show she understood.

"But...what I haven't told you and I should have is Angelus lied the next day... He outright lied because you'd rocked his world, just liked you'd rocked mine… and he hated you for it. It's why he went after you so hard. You made me feel, him feel. He loved you and he hated you for it."

Buffy looked at him in surprise. Buffy remembered Giles had said that to her, that he would go after the things that had made him the most human. She had never fully realized that meant Angelus had loved her.

"Believe me, Angelus thought about getting you naked again... and reliving that perfect night all the time." He told her, though he didn't mention Angelus' desire to turn her afterwards. That Angelus had wanted to keep her.

"He couldn't kill you Buffy that's why he came up with the plan to end the world. He knew when it came to it he wouldn't be able to do it. He loved you as you were, he couldn't turn you and couldn't kill you. So he awoke Acathla."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" She asked.

"I though you knew."

"How? We never talked about Angelus. I knew you felt guilty about what he'd done and I didn't want to make you feel worse. I felt guilty that I wouldn't have traded that night despite the fact it released him." She said and then she looked away.

"Buffy…" He didn't know what to say.

She stood up and walked to the fountain, she starred down into the water as if it held the answers of the universe.

He looked at her. She was so tiny. She looked like a gust of wind would blow her away yet she was so strong. It wasn't just physically. And she didn't even see it. She was amazing.

"I loved you so much. I would have gladly died for you. You destroyed me when you left. You did what everyone else did, you made decisions about my life without even discussing it with me. It's like you think Buffy is too stupid, or naïve, or not strong enough to make them herself." She said harshly and then she took a breath to calm herself down. "When Whistler drove me away from my friends I realized everything I've been through everything I've done has led me to where I am, who I am. Every battle, every hell I go through makes me strong enough to face the next bad thing. I sacrificed you but I wasn't strong enough to do that again that's why I fought so hard to protect Dawn. And that 'sacrifice' gave me my gift."

"I got to go to heaven. I was with my mum again. I could finally rest. I didn't have to be strong all the time, I didn't have to fight anymore. I was finished, complete. At peace." She sounded happy at the memory, wistful.

Then her tone changed as she continued. "Then I was torn out. It was so hard to live, so hard. But I kept fighting, even when my friends betrayed me I didn't give up. I came close but Spike helped. I got the weapon, I came up with a plan, and we saved the day. I smiled as I saw Sunnydale crumple, I felt happy for the first time in so long. For one moment I thought 'I'm finally free' and then they demanded more."

"I didn't have anymore to give. When I felt myself being summoned I knew my friends wouldn't even notice me leave. After I drove away with Whistler he took me on a Slayer vision quest, I met the First Slayer again, she told me 'To move forward let go of the past'. I wasn't sad to walk away, I was relieved. Grateful that I didn't have to stay with them a second longer. That I didn't have to pretend anymore that we were one big happy family, that they cared about me."

He could see it, as if by talking about it she was relieving that moment. See how tired and battle worn she'd been, how used up.

"Then I came here." He couldn't see her face but he could hear her smile.

"I learned to live again, to feel again without fear. No one was demanding anything of me, I didn't have to pretend to be happy or strong all the time. I found a life. I found friends who accept me, support me no matter what. I know if I need them they'll drop everything and come running no matter what it is."

"And I found something I thought I had lost a long time ago. I found me. Just the girl. Not the Slayer. Just the girl." She turned to face him.

He understood what she was saying.

"I know you love me Angel, but though you love me you won't stay. You are the Champion. You still have so much work to do, souls to save. You have a life and there is no room for me in it." She said gently. "My life is here. I have a job, I go to college, I have friends, a family. I have a home here. I don't know what the future brings but this is where I belong now. I'm happy for the first time in such a long time. I'm happy. I never thought I'd have that again."

He realized Whistler was right. He'd lost her. He'd let the best thing in his life slip through his fingers.

He had always hoped to get her back, he thought they had time. That just because they were soulmates that they would be together again.

Because Whistler was right. No other woman would ever compare to her. No other woman could ever come close to giving him peace as she had.

She was one of a kind.

The bond between them told him she was his.

She was even marked as his.

But he'd lost her.

He felt so jealous and possessive that someone other then him was even touching her. Another's scent covered her body instead of his. That someone held her each night, made love to her, kissed her, heard her rambles. That had healed her, made her the girl he had fallen in love with. The girl that she had lost bit by bit; after he had left her, after her mother died, after she died.

"Do you love him?" He asked out of the blue considering they had been talking about them.

She didn't seem surprised that he knew she had a lover. "Yes I do."

He swallowed back a growl. His heart snarling that she was his. She bore his mark.

As if she could sense his thoughts she said, "A part of me will always be yours Angel. I don't regret a single moment of our past, I never have and never will."

He looked at her standing with her back to the water fountain. She was his Goddess. She was his soulmate. What he fought for. What he dreamed of. And she would continue to be weather she was with him or not just like before.

She smiled a little nervous under his gaze. "I better get home." She said.

He stood up, "Let me walk you." He wanted to hold onto her presence a little longer.

They walked shoulder by shoulder like they used to so many years ago out of the park and down to street to her home.

"He's still up." He said noticing the lights were on.

She smiled, "He always waits up for me. He usually spends the night cleaning and cooking me something to eat to keep himself busy while I'm out."

"It's hard being the Slayer's boyfriend, knowing you can't interfere, that this is your show." He said speaking from experience. He had spent many nights worried about her. Though she had let him patrol with her, that was to spend time him not actually patrol. Slaying was her destiny she may have hated it but she didn't want to be protected from it. He was never sure if he worried less when he had lived in Sunnydale or when he left.

She turned to face him.

"Thank you for coming to see me." She said surprising him. "We needed to this. To let go of the past so we could move forward."

He didn't say anything. The wounds may have been healed but he would never let go of her. He couldn't. But he wasn't going to make her feel guilty or bad because she could move on.

It was his fault. He was the fool who had let her go, who had left her.

She looked at him and then she reached up on her toes, a small hand resting over his heart and kissed his cheek. "Take care Angel." She said against his face and then she turned and walked up to her front door.

"Buffy…" He stopped. He wanted to say so much, to make her see how much he loved her.

But she was waiting for him to finish.

He sighed, "Take care."

She smiled and said softly, "Always."

He smiled, she could still read him. She understood.

She waved at him and then she stepped inside.

_(Be happy, you deserve it my love.) _Angel thought watching her close the door.

The End.

* * *

_I thought I'd carry on because I didn't think Angel would just walk away without seeing her, talking to her._

_And with talking comes all the pain they put each other through._

_I have an idea for a sequel, "She's Yours, She's Mine." I just have to do something with Methos cause he's just... Mmmm._

**PHOENIX FURY.**


End file.
